Victim Land
A desert of blame, disappointment, and the inability to move on from the past.
When I was in my early 20s, I found myself in victim land. The root cause went back to childhood. Details on this area are not important. Things happened that shouldn’t have happened. Things my family didn’t find out about until a few years ago. I do know sexual issues and self-worth issues started because of the situation.
The enemy always goes after destroying what is pure. Children have been under attack and so often what happens is not talked about, processed, and most importantly healed until years later. I know my situation is not the only one and that breaks my heart. Parents ask your children questions and create a safe place for them to always share with you.
Fast forward. I’m in an emotionally and at the end, physically abusive relationship in my early 20’s. I was fully in victim land. Let’s remember I chose to start dating this individual. I need to take ownership on my choices in getting into that mess. It’s so easy to get to these places when we have scars that connect to our identity and value. It is so easy to slip into these traps when someone speaks words that seem to fill the void in our souls. I have been in this place, and I know it well.
I can quickly recognize when someone is in victim land by the way they speak and their actions. You do not have to be in an abusive relationship to be in victim land. You may have heard the phrase “victim mentality” but I like to call it victim land. Here are some ways to recognize if you are in victim land.
The blame game.
When it is everyone else’s fault and you are not willing to take ownership for your actions, you are in the blame game. This results in isolation and the inability to trust people. Having been hurt walls are built to protect our hearts. We blame others and keep everyone at arm’s length. When we do let someone in the cycle repeats because of our expectations. People are not trustworthy. What you fear materializes into reality.
Comparison.
You have not been through what I have. You are correct. I have not been down your road and you have not been down mine. We each have our own journey of walking in victory out victim land. Comparison is exactly what the enemy wants. It creates a divide instead of unity. I can do ___ better than she can. Why do they always get the opportunities. Can you see the lines, comparison brings between us? We are created to build each other up: not tear each other down.
Hopeless.
Things will never get better or change. Our attitude is 99% of the battle, in my opinion. The other 1% are things that are out of our control. We can always control our attitude. Let’s focus on Hope. Our God is a God of victory and a good father. How can He not work all things out for my good? Our words release power. Are we speaking life or death? Are our words getting in the way of God’s blessings?
Un-forgiveness.
When we hold back forgiveness, we are locked in victim land. Un-forgiveness holds us captive not the ones that have hurt us. The pain is real. What they did was wrong. Forgiving does not endorse their actions. Forgiveness ensures your freedom from their actions. It releases you from the chains they tried to bind you in. Forgiveness has been offered to us by a perfect savior, Jesus. We do not deserve forgiveness, yet He still offers us this beautiful gift.
Stuck in the past.
This connects to un-forgiveness because often if we are stuck in the past, it’s because of what happened there. We need to live for the future and put our energy, focus, and time there. Let go and let God. Simple words that will change your life, I promise!!!
These are just a few examples of areas I had to conquer in order to get out of victim land. Staying out of victim land is a daily choice. I need to continue forgiving as situations come up. Take ownership of my actions and how others are affected. Ask for forgiveness when I mess up and hurt people. I will use the battles that I’ve been through as a testimony of God‘s goodness and healing. Finally, I will keep my attitude filled with hope as I focus on the future. You will notice that all these actions are centered on my actions and no one else’s. Victims have no choice and are helpless.
You….
You.. Right now, can take action as a powerful individual and remove yourself from victim land!!!
I want to invite you to examine your heart and see if Holy Spirit highlights any area that is holding you in victim land. You are created for victory! Victim land is not your portion. We would love to hear about the areas God has helped you overcome. Please comment below and share your victory.